Hi guys! Sorry, it’s been a while since I last wrote on here. I’m intending for this blog post to be short anyway. Let’s just say I’ve recently been having my thoughts eat me up inside, and today, I wish to write them out. Also, fun fact: this is my first ever blog post without pictures and written/uploaded from my mobile phone.
As many of you already know, I lost my Dad a year ago on 14 December 2015. Literally, the day my life changed. If anyone has unluckily experienced what I’ve been through, you’d know what the loss of a family member feels like and how it affects you as a person. Let’s just say losing a father is on another level. My Dad was genuinely my best friend, my support, my guide, my shoulder to cry on, my greatest fan, my most constructive critic, my bank, my advisor – my everything.
This was also unfortunately the first family death I experienced in my (remembered) lifetime and for that to be the death of my father, it shook me completely. I left university (with the intention of re-joining after a year) and decided to work full-time until I get back to university. It definitely diverted my mind. I then also went abroad for a month to try and get a change of mind.
Even after every attempt, I still constantly had that sinking feeling within me and my happiness levels were just so so low. After my month abroad, I came back with the mindset of looking forward to university and even managed to get myself back in my old job. Today, a year later, I stand back in the exact position I was in a year ago. The difference: my Dad’s gone. And this has changed everything.
I genuinely struggle to focus on my life. I struggle to focus on university, work, or simply even day-to-day activities. And as I personally see it right now, that may never go. Not that I don’t appreciate what I still do have, but it’s difficult. Such a drastic change in your life makes you focus on the negatives, over the positives.
I just pray I can eventually learn to live with it. I pray he’s happy where he is and that he gets given the highest of ranks in paradise. I just wanted to write this blog post because this event has shaped me, changed me and is the most important part of my life right now. So, I just wanted to share it. And if any one of you have any tips on how to deal with everything, please do comment below.